I’m Not Home Yet

One day, you’re confident and comfortable in the love you share with your family, your significant other, and your friends. The next day, you wake up to realize that they’re gone. The love you once shared and the life you had planned has been torn away from you. You’re broken. Again.

Part of you realizes that this is your fault. You should have never opened yourself up that way, fell that hard, depended on someone for so long, or allowed yourself to think that you meant as much to those individuals as they did to you.

There’s the second guessing and the self blaming – you go over every detail of the last few months and count the ways that you messed up, the things you could have done differently, the words you could have said, something. Something that would have made them love you back. Something that would have made them stay.

Life makes you bitter. It breaks you, gives you hope, and then takes it away. It’s easy to become hardened, to wonder if anyone or anything is truly worth it, if anyone actually means it when they say they’ll be there for you.

But you know what? I’m not home yet.

I once had a close friend with that phrase tattooed on her body. It caught my attention, it held personal meaning for her, but the message spoke to all. I fell in love with it.

The first thing it did was remind me that I have a heavenly home and heavenly father. A home that will open wide its gates to its child, regardless of her “sexuality” or her many, many flaws. A father who will always answer the call of His child, regardless of how bad she may have messed up, how hurt she is, how alone she feels, or how broken she may be. He loves and accepts her, because she’s His child. He sees the tears, hears the screams, and witnesses the sleepless nights. And through it all, He’s there to remind you that you are His child and you’re not home yet.

The second thing that struck me about the message was that it was applicable to every stage of life – the highs and lows, the mountains and valleys, those who may break your heart and those who may put it back together.

When times get hard, it’s cliché to remind yourself that it can only get better from here. It’s cliché, but that doesn’t make it any less encouraging and (besides the many times that it gets a lot worse BEFORE it gets better) any less true. When you fall, when you end up face down in the muck, when your friends, family, and “soul mate” are nowhere to be found – sometimes the best thing you can do is to remember that you’re not home yet, climb to your feet, and start the long journey back to the top.

But when things are going well, it’s easy to become blinded by your “success”. Your pride seeps through into everything you do, as you secretly want to scream to the world, “Mommy, Mommy, look at me!” “Look what I did.” But “I’m not home yet” should be a phrase that stops you in your tracks. For this is not the end; your small endeavors and accomplishments are not enough.

Life doesn’t exist to give you a confidence boost. It lasts but for a moment, and you have that short moment to make a difference. So make that difference. Swallow your pride, learn some humility, and make a difference. When that difference has been made, move on to the next one. Winning a battle can make a great leader, but winning a war can make a nation, a people. So the next time you hit that home run, remember that you still have to run, because you’re not home yet.

Disclaimer: The first half of this blog was written a few nights ago when I was in somewhat of a poor emotional state. But hey, I’m not home yet. Remember?

p.s. I promise to write something less depressing on down the road. Perhaps when I get closer to home. ☺

Spirituality

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