I started this blog a year ago. A friend had suggested that writing might be a good outlet for me and I decided to try it. As always, she was right (Yes, Jordan, I’m looking at you). The original “About” section of my blog read as follows:
I’m a Southern girl who was raised on the Baptist church, SEC football, and fond memories of Ronald Reagan. Then, when I reached those oh-so-important high school years, I fell in love. With a girl.
Fast forward a few years to the college student whose life revolves around College Republicans, her beloved SEC football, a thriving social life, another Baptist church, lots of boys, a few girls, and a lot of confusion about her sexuality.
As I became more and more comfortable with who I was, I became more and more concerned by the “oddity” of my situation. The majority of Christian conservatives in my life (including my parents) find my “life-style choice” to be a disappointing one. The majority of my friends who are active in campus LGBT groups find my staunch “Republicanism” to be a major turnoff. So, after desperately googling “lesbian republicans” for the hundredth time, I decided to start a blog – just in case there happens to be others out there who were disappointed with their Google results.
At the end of the day, I’d like to think that my story helped someone. But I guess I’ll settle for making a point. Americans are blessed by the fact that we have freedom to love – our God, our nation, and each other. And it’s time that both sides of the aisle learn that lesson.
Some things have changed since that original post. If you’ve followed the blog at all, you’ve had the opportunity to see me come to the realization that I really wasn’t that “confused”. You watched me navigate the rocky waters of coming out in a very socially conservative Christian home and you saw me struggle with all the feelings that came with it. You saw me graduate from college and you saw me cry because my family was anything but happy for me on that day. You saw me enter my first serious relationship with a girl since high school. You saw that relationship end. You witnessed a couple political rants about liberal bias, the church, and Duck Dynasty. Hopefully, you saw me come to know myself for who I really was. You saw me attempt to live life fully and honestly and you even got to see me grow up a tad bit.
I still love my God, my country, and yes, I still love the Republican party. I still love college football, the South, and Ronald Reagan. But I would like to think that if I’ve learned anything over the past year – I’ve learned to think for myself.
I fail on a daily basis when it comes to my relationship with Christ, but I have one. I’m blessed with a heavenly Father who loves me and accepts me. My frustrations with the close-mindedness of the Baptist church have forced me to look to Him for a more personal relationship. It has forced me to delve into the scriptures, read them for myself, and form my own convictions.
I love America. Dear Lord, how I love America.
I now work for a conservative grassroots organization and I could not have been more thrilled when the Republicans took control of the Senate a few nights ago. I spent weeks in battleground states trying to turn out the conservative vote and it was a relief to watch that hard work pay off. But I still struggle with the issue of marriage equality and the party’s obvious hypocrisy when it comes to individual liberty. When my girlfriend innocently asked, “Was Mark Udall pro-LGBT?” I almost blushed when I said yes. Then I felt the need to go on and explain everything he was wrong on in order to justify my campaigning against him.
I still love the South. I love the people, the land, the food, and the college football (I’ve even grown to accept the fact that all Alabama fans aren’t devil worshipers). But it would be nice to hold my girlfriend’s hand without receiving strange looks from our waiter. “So, umm, y’all’s check is… umm… together?” Yes. Yes, it is. It would also be nice to live in a state where I can legally get married, but we’ll just assume that will come with time. I’m personally not in that big of a hurry anyways.
Americans are blessed by the fact that we have freedom to love – our God, our nation, and each other. And it’s time that both sides of the aisle learn that lesson.
Both sides of the aisle still need to learn that lesson. That much hasn’t changed. But perhaps I needed to learn that lesson too. I never wanted to be put in a box because of who I was, but I’ve struggled to not put others in the very same box. I wanted others to love me for who I was but had to come to the realization that I might need to show them that unconditional love first.
Did my story help someone? I don’t know. But I do know that I have been honest. And coming from someone who spent more than seven years living a lie, I’ll take that as a step in the right direction.